Planning for the holidays with someone living in dementia? The University of Wisconsin School of Medicine's Dr. Alexis Eastman shares best practices for holiday travel and family gatherings.
The holidays bring joy, togetherness, and a healthy dose of chaos—a mix that can be challenging for anyone, let alone individuals living with dementia and their caregivers. For those managing Alzheimer’s or another form of cognitive decline, festive gatherings and travel can amplify the stress of changes to routine, unfamiliar settings, and sensory overload.
Dr. Alexis Eastman, a clinical associate professor at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine, has spent years helping families navigate these challenges. As the director of Clinical Operations for the university’s geriatrics clinics, Eastman offers practical advice for caregivers to approach the holiday season with preparation, flexibility, and empathy.
1. Preparing for calm, relaxed holiday gatherings
For caregivers hosting large family events like Thanksgiving, Dr. Eastman advises simplifying wherever possible. “The brain is struggling to put everything together in some coherent order. It does not tolerate chaos, changes, or just too much information coming at it all at once,” she explains.
To create a comfortable environment, Eastman suggests asking family members to pitch in with meal preparation or hosting duties. “This is not the year, perhaps, to pull out the brand new recipe spread from the internet that you’re going to try — that’s not this year.” Rather, she says, ask questions like: ‘What are the meaningful dishes we’ve always made? Can somebody else be in charge of some of that so I can focus on Mom? Where’s the quiet space in the house that mom can take breaks in? Who’s going to be assigned to be in charge of breaks? Who’s going to help monitor mom and help her get to a little room for a timeout? How do we minimize chaos?”
Physical environment adjustments can also make a significant difference. “Where’s the quiet space in the house that Mom can take breaks in? Who’s going to be assigned to be in charge of breaks? How do we minimize chaos?” Eastman asks. On that note, she recommends minimizing sensory stimuli: “Not lots of lights, cords, or loud music,” she said. “Keeping things as simple and sort of straightforward as you can [may be] the best way to keep someone safe, feel comfortable, and enjoy the people they love.”
2. Small or separate celebrations
Caregivers may find themselves grappling with whether a large gathering is even suitable for their loved one. “There are no good decisions, only good enough decisions,” Eastman emphasizes. For some families, smaller, separate celebrations might be the answer.
“If a quiet gathering allows your loved one to feel included without becoming overwhelmed, that’s what works for your family,” she says. On the other hand, if hosting a larger event, consider creating structured opportunities for interaction. “Older grandchildren or teenagers can sit with grandma, look at photos, sing songs, or ask about her life,” Eastman suggests. “Even if she doesn’t remember exactly who they are, she knows there’s a connection, and holding on to that is important.”
3. Safety and space considerations
Safety is a critical concern, especially when caregiving in an unfamiliar setting. Dr. Eastman warns about common hazards: “Make sure there are no unintended candles, ovens, or fire grates that can be easily moved or left on something that someone could burn themselves on,” she said.
She also highlights the importance of planning for rest. “Your brain uses the vast majority of your calories in a given day, and having a nap space is a great thing to have in a house. Setting that aside is important, too,” she said. A quiet nap space can make a world of difference.
4. To travel or not to travel
Holiday travel with a loved one living with dementia requires even more forethought. “Think really long and hard about it,” Eastman advises. “If you still say, ‘Yes, it’s worth it,’ then you want to plan well in advance with lots of buffer time.”
Dr. Eastman recommends direct flights whenever possible and enlisting wheelchair services to reduce physical strain. “Plan every tiny detail, from quiet spaces in the airport to notifying airline staff discreetly that you may need extra time.”
If jet lag or disorientation is a concern, she encourages families to consider alternatives, like virtual connections. “You always have to ask yourself, ‘Who am I doing this for?’ Because your parent [or] your person, they are not necessarily going to remember the event,” she explains. “They are going to remember the time together and the emotion of that moment. So, if the emotion is chaos and stress and confusion, that’s what’s going to linger.”
5. Grieving changes
For caregivers, the holidays often come with added emotional weight. “I do feel for spouses because if you think about it, every time you make a decision like that, it is a moment of grief,” Eastman acknowledges. “It’s a moment in which that person is drifting further away from you. You have to grieve the loss of the relationship that you’ve always had. That added to the meaning and impact of the holidays for a lot of people is really challenging, and it’s very difficult.”
Still, focusing on meaningful moments can bring joy. “if you can make someone with dementia feel good, that emotion will linger for up to 24 hours later, even if they don’t remember exactly what happened,” Eastman says. Whether it’s a joke, a song, or a shared photo, those moments are worth it.
By prioritizing simplicity, safety, and connection, caregivers can create a holiday experience that feels special—for everyone involved. As Eastman reminds us, it’s about doing the best with what you can, and finding the joy in that.
