Moving My Mom

December 26, 2024

Lauren and her husband care for Lauren’s mother who is living with Frontotemporal Dementia. Lauren had her first child earlier this year and enjoys spending time with her mom and taking her on adventures, you can follow along on instagram at @mymomslifewithdementia

“Lauren! What do I do if someone breaks into my house?” My mom posed this question as I was tucking her into bed about a year after she had been diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia. She was 62 years old. I paused… the question shook me. Countless questionable things had happened over the past few years — there were bills she hadn’t paid, she’d fallen victim to online scams, she’d avoided taking showers — but this one really got my attention. My mom, Charlene, was a widow and lived alone. Since her diagnosis, my siblings and I had enacted several measures to help ensure her well-being at home, like installing ‘nanny cameras’, but this question woke me up to the dangers of her living on her own. I made a little sign and taped it to the wall next to her bed instructing her to call 911 in case of emergency.

I went home that night and found myself glued to my phone, watching the cameras. I questioned the sign I had made and how she might interpret my message in different scenarios. Her question gave me clarity — I felt that she wasn’t safe in her home anymore. I thought we had more time but we needed to find a long-term solution STAT.

My husband and I welcomed my mom into our tiny, 600-square-foot home on a whim. It was 2021 and we were both navigating the work-from-home scene post-COVID. Since we didn’t have time to plan the move, we were forced to take things day by day until everything eventually fell into place. My sister would pick up my mom three days each week and bring her home after dinner (she still does) and my husband and I would hang out at home with my mom during the other days. Mom was very chatty at this point — also very repetitive — so there were frustrating moments as we adapted to our new life. It didn’t take long, however, before I found myself missing her on the days she spent with my sister. I found joy in her cheery, chatty vibes, and we had fun with her repetitive nature. “At ten minutes to ten, I’m going to bed,” she’d say, over and over. My husband created a song using the phrase that we still sing today (even though it’s been at least two years since she last said it herself) “Charlene’s going to bed…. At ten minutes to ten….”

We started taking her out on adventures regularly, and seeing her eyes twinkle with excitement brought me immense joy and a sense of purpose. I didn’t expect such a positive outcome from making the decision to move her in with us. Now I feel lucky to be caring for her. As she progresses, things continue to challenge us in different, ever-changing ways, but we continue to adapt in order to provide her with the best care and enjoyment in life. 

Our quick decision to have her live with us has helped me realize we can’t always have a plan or a detailed forecast for how life will progress. Understanding this has helped me enjoy my time with Mom and has allowed me to live more in the moment rather than trying to force a plan for the future. At this point, all I really know is that things will decline further but I’ll be with her and will adapt as things change.