Self-Discovery in Caregiving

September 30, 2024

Corey Hubbard is the founder and CEO of Glassbury, an organization that offers Alzheimer’s literacy workshops in-person and online. Glassbury was founded as a result of Corey’s journey caring for his mother living with Alzheimer’s.

As my mother and I strolled towards a steakhouse in Chicago’s Streeterville neighborhood, I couldn’t help but notice she was walking four paces behind me. This was unusual because my mother was always one of the fastest walkers in our family; shuffling along was very out of character for her, but she assured me everything was okay. In the restaurant I noticed that my usually steak-loving mother ordered chicken cordon bleu instead. When I playfully pointed out that we were in a steakhouse, she insisted on having chicken with a determined look on her face, and it struck me as odd. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right.

After our Thanksgiving weekend together, I became increasingly concerned about her well-being. A neurosurgeon friend told me that a shuffling walk can be an early sign of Alzheimer’s, especially considering our family history. I encouraged my mother to see a neurologist, and she was diagnosed with the condition and prescribed medication. Despite this, I noticed a shift in her behavior during our phone conversations; her once pleasant demeanor turned pensive, and she became more agitated and less like herself. When I moved to Florida for work I found it difficult to be away from her. I decided to return home for a couple of weeks before my commitment in Florida, and during this time, I noticed that her concentration and energy levels were declining.

As her decline continued, I faced the challenging decision of balancing my caregiving responsibilities with my professional aspirations. Ultimately, I moved back to Michigan to care for my mother full time. This marked the beginning of a seven-year journey of caring for her as she battled Alzheimer’s.

A journey of love, patience, and self-care

Picture this: It’s midnight, and I’m sitting on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor, my back against the cabinets, tears streaming down my face. My mother, who has Alzheimer’s, is in the next room, wandering aimlessly, muttering incoherent phrases. This was one of the lowest points in my caregiving journey, and it’s where my most valuable lesson began.

My journey as a caregiver started seven years ago when my mother was first diagnosed. The shock and disbelief were overwhelming. I was plunged into a world I knew nothing about, filled with medical jargon, endless appointments, and a new dynamic in my relationship with my mother.

In the early stages, I felt a mix of fear, frustration, and helplessness. Seeing my mother’s cognitive decline was heartbreaking. Every day brought new challenges, from managing her medications to ensuring her safety. But amidst the chaos, there were moments of unexpected joy and connection. I cherished the times when she would suddenly become lucid and recognize me, even if just for a few moments.

It was during one of those midnight breakdowns that I realized I couldn’t do it all alone. I needed to take care of myself to be the best caregiver for my mother. This revelation marked a turning point in my journey. I started to incorporate regular exercise into my routine; simple activities like a morning jog or a yoga session at home became my sanctuary.

I learned the value of having a robust support system. I met regularly with a mental health professional, which helped me process my emotions and gain new perspectives. Family and friends became my pillars of strength. Our weekly gatherings provided me with the emotional sustenance I needed to carry on.

Taking breaks became an essential part of my routine. Spending time outside in nature, whether a short walk in the park or a weekend getaway, recharged my energy. I also picked up new hobbies, such as reading novels. I made it a goal to read one book a month, which provided a much-needed escape and mental stimulation.

Interestingly, I found that caregiving afforded me more free time than I anticipated. I used this time to teach myself computer coding, which not only kept my mind sharp but also provided a sense of accomplishment and progress amidst the demands of caregiving.

What I’ve learned

1. Exercise regularly: Incorporate physical activities into your daily routine to maintain your energy levels and reduce stress.
2. Take breaks: Don’t hesitate to take time for yourself. Short breaks or longer getaways can make a significant difference.
3. Seek professional help: Regular meetings with a mental health professional can provide invaluable support and perspective.
4. Engage with your support network: Lean on family, friends, and professional connections for emotional and practical support.
5. Pick up new hobbies: Engage in activities that bring you joy and mental stimulation, such as reading or learning new skills.
6. Embrace technology: Use tools and apps to help manage caregiving tasks, such as medication-tracking spreadsheets.

Reflecting on the journey

Looking back, I am proud of the care I provided my mother. While the journey was filled with challenges and emotional turmoil, it also brought moments of profound connection and love. By prioritizing self-care and seeking support, I found balance and fulfillment in my caregiving role. I hope my story serves as a beacon of hope and practical guidance for others navigating the complexities of caregiving for a loved one with Alzheimer’s.

Embrace the journey, take care of yourself, and cherish the moments of connection. The lessons learned and the love shared will last a lifetime.