Travels with My Father

October 22, 2024

Oscar Arvizu was a caregiver to his father who had Alzheimer’s. For the past few years, he has been sharing their journey on Instagram @smileyandson

“Don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to you,” I reassured my 85-year-old father as we bobbed up and down with each rolling ocean wave. I clasped his hands firmly in mine; he never learned to swim, so it was understandable he was a little timid as we drifted farther out, chest-deep in the warm waters off Cozumel, Mexico. It was a moment of deep trust between us, and one of my most cherished memories. We had always been lifelong travel buddies and always had each other’s backs. But that was the last “normal” trip we took, shortly before the first time he forgot who I was.

Since I was a child, my father took me everywhere with him. I lost my mother when I was seven, and from that moment on, he never left my side. Together we explored the western United States, the Midwest, Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Mexico. He loved to visit new places, whether it was Disneyland, Yellowstone, or Arches National Park. Whether we were fishing, camping, or hunting, he was always up for a new adventure.

In 2016, my father came to live with me. At first, his Alzheimer’s was barely noticeable, but within a year, it began to progress. Our days became a roller coaster — some were good, but others felt like a free fall into despair. I tried everything: different doctors, tests, medications, foods. The roles had reversed, and now I was his caretaker. Alzheimer’s became our new journey together.

As anyone with a loved one battling Alzheimer’s knows, this journey can be both sad and brutal. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to find joy in the ordinary moments, and seek out things that make you both smile. It could be listening to their favorite music, doing a jigsaw puzzle, or dining at a favorite restaurant. Always try to find something to look forward to each week. Since my father loved to travel, getting out of the house and exploring new places was always a favorite activity for us; it was beneficial for both of us, keeping our bodies and minds engaged. Sometimes I would incorporate things I loved into our outings — visiting museums or attending antique shows.

Of course, with each new adventure came the necessary planning and preparation: dressing for the weather, packing extra clothes, bringing snacks and drinks, and knowing where restrooms were located. We always listened to his favorite music in the car, and I found that reminding him of where we were going and involving him in decisions made him feel more comfortable.

We shared many journeys and made wonderful memories in those last seven years. We took road trips through Utah, Montana, Idaho, Yosemite, and Mexico. We attended festivals and dined at our favorite restaurants — while discovering new ones along the way. In caring for a loved one, it’s crucial not to forget yourself. You are on this journey together, and you are both each other’s travel buddies. The road may be rough at times, but the love, laughter, and joy you bring into it are essential to not getting lost or overwhelmed.

My father passed away on April 29, 2023. I miss my travel buddy immensely. He’s now on a new journey, but knowing him, he’s excited for me to begin mine. Until we meet again.